Voice Of Post

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Well, it's that time again, when we all settle down with the family and pull out our favorite holiday films. There are classics like animated features like Rudolph and Frosty, the clichéd but still must-watch It's A Wonderful Life, and even some personal favorites such as Emmit Otter's Jug-Band Christmas. But one film always stands out above the others in terms of what to watch every single year; National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
So, to honor this timeless classic of Christmas joy, I have chosen for your reading pleasure, ten of my favorite quotes.

"Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?" - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

"You have your coat on." - Mary (Nicollette Scorsese)

"Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?" - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

One thing that always held true, throughout the Vacation series, was Clark's way with women. Watching him fluster his way through this experience is enough to make every man uncomfortable for him, and is a fantastic way to get the ball rolling. The only thing to possibly ruin this moment was having Rusty interrupt it, which in its own part was priceless.

"Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was." - Frances (Doris Roberts)

"He worked really hard, Grandma." - Audrey Griswold (Juliette Lewis)

"So do washing machines." - Art (E.G. Marshall)

Ahh yes, you've got to love the in-laws right? Doris Roberts is somewhat subdued in this role in comparison to her later credits in Everybody Loves Raymond, but her delivery here was exactly what you would expect to hear from Marie Barone. E.G. Marshall deadpanning the last line was just icing on the cake to show the contempt they hold for Clark.

"I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery." - Ellen Griswold (Beverly D'Angelo)

Isn't this just the perfect analogy for the holiday season? With all the pressure of making everyone's experience perfect, it's easy to get swept up and downright miserable just trying to suffer through the whole ordeal. And in a house full of bickering family members, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

"You surprised to see us, Clark?" - Eddie (Randy Quaid)

"Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now." - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Let me go on the record right here and now and say "I love this line". The shock and surprise of seeing Eddie show up on his front lawn, right in the middle of a special moment for Clark leaves him without his wits momentarily, but they are quickly gathered, just in time to deliver this gem.

"Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?" - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

"Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark" - Eddie (Randy Quaid)

Eddie is like the thorn in Clark's side in this film and he can't wait to get rid of him. When you think about it, this kind of funny when you consider that the overly present Eddie in Vegas Vacation, helped to make that film completely forgettable.

"What are you looking at? " - Ellen Griswold (Beverly D'Angelo)

"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer..." - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

[Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet]

"S@!tter was full."-Eddie (Randy Quaid)

"Ah, yeah. You checked our s@!tters, honey?" - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

"Clark, please. He doesn't know any better." - Ellen Griswold (Beverly D'Angelo)

"He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it." - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Another great Clark/Eddie moment, with Eddie barely in the scene at all. Clark catches you completely off guard when he asks Ellen is she's checked the couple's own lavatories.

"Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous." - Ruby Sue (Ellen Hamilton Latzen)

"Nervous or excited?" - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

"S@!ttin' bricks." - Ruby Sue (Ellen Hamilton Latzen)

"You shouldn't use that word." - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

"Sorry. S@!ttin' rocks" - Ruby Sue (Ellen Hamilton Latzen)

What a difference growing up on a worm farm has on the innocence of youth hmm? Just when you thought Ruby Sue was the perfect little girl, stuck with a backwards family, she drops this beauty on us, reminding the viewers that she hasn't fallen so far away from the tree.

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!@kless, hopeless, heartless, fat-@ss, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s@!t he is. Hallelujah. Holy s@!t. Where's the Tylenol?" - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

This one is my wife's personal favorite. A breathless rant inspired by getting shafted out of his Christmas bonus by a greedy, cost-cutting boss ought to hold some similarities to today's struggles for a lot of people. Granted, most of us aren't going to go to these extremes to solve the issue, nor would many of us expect to see them work out in our favor either. In fairness though, Clark has always benefitted from going to the extremes to give the best to his family.

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f@#king Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white @ss down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of @ssholes this side of the nuthouse". - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

And who can forget the meltdown of all meltdowns? Finally the pressures of trying to provide the perfect Christmas for his family and having it blow up in his face overwhelms the eternally optimistic Clark and he lets loose on the whole family. The only thing that would have made this better is if he had the chainsaw in hand and a nervous twitch while reciting it.

"Our holidays were always such a mess." - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

"Oh, yeah." - Clark Senior (John Randolph)

"How'd you get through it?" - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

"I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels." Clark Senior (John Randolph)

How true is this? We've all been to family gatherings that have gone awry. And no doubt there has always been some busy-bodied mother or father running around trying to keep it all in order. Well, the secret is out of the bag on how they kept the smile on their faces and the memory of past years failures out of their minds when planning for the next year.

There is no doubt that I left out a classic or two that easily could have helped to populate this list. However, I think I did a fair job of reciting just what makes this film special in my household. Now, if you won't mind excusing me, there seems to be some sort of noise emanating from the Christmas tree.